Birth partner's role

Most hospitals will allow you (as birth partner) to go into the operating room with the mother. If you feel unable to, another person may accompany her. Some hospitals will allow two people in, if one is the doula. Contrary to popular belief most people do not faint in the operating room - a screen is provided to block the view of the surgery.

Once on your way to theatre you will not have time to nip back for things. So if you want to take a camera in make sure you have it ready and that this has been agreed with staff in advance.

You will be taken to gown up and then brought back to theatre. By which time the mother will generally be seated and preparations started. The quicker you are the better so that you can be with mother for most of the preparation. Some women find the preparation scarier than the surgery itself.

Sometimes you may be permitted to cut the cord. If you really want to do this, this must be agreed in advance as part of the birth plan. It goes without saying that you will have to look over the screen to do this.

It is important that you are prepared to see the mother treated with an apparent lack of dignity, i.e. she will be naked from the chest down in a room full of people.

It is worth reading the set-up and surgery sections so that you are fully aware of what will occur in theatre. Your role is crucial after your baby is born, as in some cases the mother is not able to hold the baby. Ideally you should try to hold the baby skin to skin after he /she has been checked over, for the newborn skin to skin contact is very reassuring. This will be your primary job for the rest of the procedure. It is likely that the mother will not hold the baby while the surgery is completed so it will be equally important to tell the mother all about the baby, what he / she looks like, what he / she is doing, how you are feeling etc. and don't worry about repeating yourself, the mother will not mind. Remember to hold the baby so that she can easily see him / her.

If your partner is hoping to avoid having a caesarean it is worth reading a couple of sections so that you can help her during discussions about a caesarean should the need arise - your rights and how to avoid a caesarean.

Tips for partners

While the mother will, in most cases, be able to manage the newborn baby, it is worth reducing the amount of unnecessary activity for her. Helping with such things as:

• Arranging the house to minimize stair climbing during the first few weeks, i.e. a baby changing station on the ground floor as well as near where baby sleeps
• Minimize your work obligations if possible, so that you can spend time together and with the baby and so that you can participate and relieve the pressure of many of the new activities involved in caring for a baby (including taking on some of the night-time feeds - if bottle feeding has been established)
• Assist her in lifting or carrying heavy objects the first few weeks (especially other children)
• Do the household chores, there is no way she will be able to push a Hoover around for several weeks

It may also be necessary to encourage her to:

• Take it easy and nap whenever possible. The amount of time spent with baby during the first few weeks is substantial and mothers often feel that the minute baby is sleeping they need to run round catching up on all the things they haven't been doing. When what they really need is to nap and rest as much as possible
• Take gentle exercise. This means walking and keeping her circulation going, it does not mean starting a fitness regime aimed at "getting her figure back"

Other children

Where there is already a child at home, particularly a toddler that still needs lifting in and out of a highchair or cot, you will need to be on hand to do this in the first couple of weeks. Lifting such a weight will place strain on the scar and may hinder recovery. Even if the healing process is not damaged by such lifting you may find that she is lifting incorrectly in an attempt to protect her scar and therefore placing undue strain on her back, risking muscle strains etc.