Birth Story

Ruth's Story - My c-section (bit of a long story, sorry!)

When I had my son (2 years ago) I had gone through the whole pregnancy planning a 'natural birth' - wanted to go to a birth centre, have a water birth etc. However, 6 days before my due date I became very distressed. I don't know if it was just my hormones but I suddenly had a terrible feeling that something was wrong and that it was not safe for me to try and have the baby naturally! I was could not stop crying and was absolutely terrified that my baby was in danger.

A reason for this sudden panic could be that I have an older sister who suffered serious brain damage when she was 'stuck' during birth. Obviously this has affected my family a great deal but, in relation to my own birth, this hadn't worried me all through my pregnancy as I know medicine has advanced since this happened (in the '70's) and that it was unlikely that something so awful would happen again. So, maybe this was at the back of my mind? Or maybe I actually had an instinct for a good reason, who knows?!

So, anyway, after a day of crying and worrying, I went to see my midwife and explained that I HAD to be referred for a csection. She was quite shocked (normally I am a calm person) but was fairly understanding. She arranged for me to meet my consultant at the hospital to ask his permission. The first apt. with him was on the Monday (2 days before my due date). I was at home on the Sun. eve (making a list of reasons for a csection) when my waters broke!

I knew something was wrong straight away because there was a lot of dark stuff there. When I got to hospital they confirmed that it was meconium and that the baby was distressed but said "don't worry, maybe the cord's round the baby's neck". My husband and I explained that I was seeing the consultant in morn. and wanted a c-section; all the staff completely scoffed at this idea. A young doctor came in to talk to me and promised me that I would be "in control" and that if I tried and there were any problems I could have a csection. He was really nice and calmed me down and I started to feel that maybe I could handle the birth after all.

I was awake all night having mild contractions. In the morning a different, foreign doctor strolled in. When I told him my contractions were 10 mins apart he said "that is not good enough" in a horrible tone and said we had to deliver the baby quickly, so he would induce me with a pessary. When I said I didn't want that he said "don't be silly" and shoved the pessary inside me without anymore conversation (unfortunately I was still lying with my lega open becuse he'd just examined me). When he left I was devastated because I felt so angry and humiliated. Normally I'm good at standing up for myself but I was tired and worried and in pain.

After this my labour went from bad to worse. I wasn't allowed gas and air when I first asked for it becuase it was "too early" - although ten minutes after this they arranged for an epidural because I was in too much pain to be examined and I couldn't speak. I failed to dilate quickly enough so was put on a drip (I had given up arguing at this point because I was so tired).

In the evening, after the drip was set up,my baby's heartbeat started to rise and fall with every contraction (going from 220 to 60), I had to buzz the midwife everytime it happened because they were too busy too stay with me all the time. The midwife said she thought I needed a csection but had to wait for doctor. When he arrived (yet another doctor who didn't even look at me and spoke in front of me as though I wasn't there) he told her to turn the drip up because we were nearing 24 hours (after my waters had broken) and he wanted to hurry it up. They then argued a bit in front of me because she didn't want the baby's heartbeat to get worse. He ordered her to turn it up and stormed off. She said to me: "Oh well, if the heartbeat drops, it's on his head" (meaning the doctor) and turned the drip up. The heartbeat was all over the place and the drip had to be turned off.

I was terrified and exhausted and didn't know what to do because there was no-one to help me. No-one would talk to my husband because they were busy. Luckily, at this point, the senior midwife from the night before came back on her next shift. She was shocked to find me still there and in such state. After finding that the baby's head was swelling (and I was still only 4-5cms) she persuaded the consultant to let me have a c-section. A few doctors came and lectured me about the risks (which I'd already reasearched) and stressed that thay didn't consider it medically necessary yet and thought I should try for another 8 hours. They tried again to change my mind. Eventually I was taken down to surgery.

It took them seven minutes to get my baby out and for that whole seven minutes I was convinced that he was dead. Eventually I heard him cry and knew he was safe. This was 27 hours after my waters broke. He had bruised black eyes and a swollen head (from the pressure of the contractions) but was otherwise okay.

Next time, I am definitely booking a c-section in advance and I will not let anyone bully me into anything else, even if I go into labour before the date. The pain of a c-section was difficult afterwards but the hardest part was having flashbacks of being in hospital. I had nightmares about one of the doctors for months afterwards and suffered from anxiety. Next time, I'll only have the c-section to recover from and I hope I won't be left feeling angry and humilated.

I put my next smear test off until a year after it was due. Luckily I have a brilliant female doctor who booked a double apt. and was very reassuring. Even then I couldn't stop shaking and nearly fainted. She said she will support me in planning a c-section next time.

I understand the debate that there are risks from a c-section and that it's not a decision that should ever be taken lightly, but women should be treated as individuals and given advice rather than being patronized, pressured and bullied into making the 'correct' decision.

A safe, 'natural' birth is desirable, but not when it's achieved at the expense of the mother's mental health. A traumatised new mother is more likely to have post-natal depression, may find it more difficult to bond with and breastfeed her baby and might have problems resuming sex with her partner - which could contribute to relationship breakdown. None of these are desirable and could actually end up costing the nhs more than an elective c-section does.